I Just Want to Talk
by randomplotbunny
Summary: The Joker needs someone to understand him, perhaps the Batman does too. Eventual Joker/Batman.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: They ain't mine, I only play with them.**

The Joker sighed and stretched out in his cell.

'What is wrong with me?' He thought. 'I'm fine for years and one little comment from the bats has me questioning my life-choices.'

He sighed again, which was really making the guards outside his cell nervous.

'If only bats could understand what it's like being me, but you can't force someone to know you.' With that thought he turned to the nearest cookie-cutter guard.

"Hey Joe! I got a question."

"Yes, Mr. Joker?"

All the guards had learned quickly to be polite to the madman. It beat waking up covered in a thousand paper cuts- exactly one thousand, they had counted- or not waking up at all.

"Listen, Joe, I have a problem.

"I've had my eye on someone for a while now, but they hardly seem to notice I'm there!

"I've tried everything to make them see we belong together, but when we do meet up all we seem to do is fight!

"So my question is this: if you were in my place, what would you do?"

Now 'Joe' was terrified, if he gave the wrong answer there was no telling what would happen to him.

Everyone knew that the patients ran the asylum.

"I'm waiting, Joe." Said the green haired menace.

Giving an internal sigh, an audible one might get him killed, Not-Joe decided to give his honest opinion and hope for the best.

"Well... if I was after someone and they didn't want me in return, I would ask myself: Why?, What am I doing wrong? or What have I done in the past to cause them to not want me?

"If I can't think of anything myself, then I would try to talk to them about it. Meet them on neutral ground and talk out our problems.

"If, after I had tried everything, had done all I could to make it work between us and they were still hostile towards me, I would leave.

"No one needs to be a doormat."

Realizing he had rambled, Definitely-Not-Joe shut up.

Taking a chance he turned towards the cell and was taken aback by what he saw.

The Clown Prince of Crime was staring at the floor with a very serious expression on his face.

Looking to his stone faced associates for help- they had gone rigid in an attempt at self-preservation- he was rebuffed.

Turning to the cell once more, he came eye to eye with toxic green eyes.

A smile split the face of the scariest psycho in Arkam, and a cackle filled the air.

"You're right, Joe! Thanks!"

As the guard regained consciousness, he was only slightly surprised to see he was in the infirmary.

Catching sight of a passing nurse, he asked:

"What happened?"

"The Joker escaped." She spoke softly, it was practically a scheduled event after all.

"You're very lucky Mr. Crocker, you are the only guard to survive."

Leaning back, Mr. Crocker smiled at the ceiling.

"I feel lucky. And please, call me Joe."

_AN: So let me know if you want more and I will be happy to comply._


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Just so you know, my Joker is the old school joker. Heath Ledger rocked it on the big screen, but my heart will always belong to that crazed, chemically scarred Joker; with his stark white skin, ruby lips and emerald eyes and hair._

**Disclaimer: So not mine.**

After a long day of board meetings and event planning as Bruce Wayne, the Batman was ready to don his signature gear and hit the streets.

If he was lucky he might even get a lead on the Joker who had escaped Arkham two days before.

The Dark Knight didn't like it when his nemesis was on the loose, he tended to make things... unpredictable.

Handing his briefcase and jacket over to his loyal retainer, Bruce made his way down to his cave.

The sight that greeted him made his blood run cold.

The Joker, still in his Arkham finest, was sitting on his computer chair reading a book.

"Hey Brucey, I was wondering when you would arrive." The man hadn't even looked up from his book.

"Joker! How-?!"

"Don't worry Brucey. If I had any intention of revealing your identity to the world I would have done so years ago."

"But how-?"

"You should really close your mouth, you're starting to look like a fish."

The green haired man finally looked up from his reading and smirked.

He actually sat there and smirked!

"How did you get in here?!"

"Through the door."

Now he was making jokes!

"You should really update your security. One old man and a clock? Anyone could get down here."

"What are you doing here?" He needed to get a handle on this situation.

Then he could knock the madman out and... what? His identity was known. How was he to deal with this?

"I came to talk."

"-" He had heard wrong.

He had most definitely heard wrong!

"I know, completely out of character; but I recently got some good advice from my friend Joe, and I wanted to see if it worked.

"We have been at each others' throats for years, Bats. And I really think we're made for each other-"

"We are not made for each other!"

"Let me finish! Please.

"I think we were made for each other, but I know you don't think the same way. So I am here to get to know the man behind the bat. In return you get to know the man behind the clown.

"If, in a months time, you are still unconvinced; then I shall quietly go back to Arkham and rot."

"I don't believe a word of it Joker."

"You should, I'm trying to meet you halfway. The least you could do is the same, Batsy.

"Or I can blow up your mansion, expose you as Batman and destroy Gotham and everything you ever loved.

"The choice is yours of course.

"Why don't you go on up and talk it over with Alfred. He worries, you know."

Going back to his book in clear dismissal, the Joker proceeded to ignore the other man.

Not knowing what else to do, and still in a bit of shock from the last few minutes, Bruce went back upstairs to find his old mentor.

"Sir? Is everything all right?"

Bruce had come into the kitchen and taken a seat without a word.

"Why do you ask?" Said the shaken man, still thinking over his encounter downstairs.

"It's simply that once you descend into the cave I don't usually see you again until morning, unless you're bleeding of course."

"I-I was just hungry."

What else could he say, 'Hey the Joker is downstairs and going to be staying for a while'?

No, he had to think on this before dragging poor Alfred into the middle of it.

"Ah, yes. It is good to see you finally taking an interest in your own stomach. I worry, you know." He began making his young master some supper.

Bruce paused at that last comment, the Joker had said the same thing.

"Yes, I know."

"Out and about with criminals at all hours, coming home beaten half to death.

"It's a wonder your able to stand half the time, let alone attend board meetings; not that I don't worry about you there as well.

"Some of those lawyers could eat their own children."

The old man visible shuddered.

"I'm just glad none of your more dangerous enemies are out and about."

"The Joker escaped a couple of days ago." Wasn't his old guardian worried about the Batman's next encounter with the Clown Prince?

"Yes, well. He hasn't tried to kill you in some time, has he?

"No, he hurts people and makes threats until you find him; and then you beat him to a pulp. He may get his licks in too, but I'm the one who treats you afterwards.

"You never have any serious or life threatening injuries after fighting with the clown, not anymore at any rate.

"Not that I don't still feel bad anytime you go after him, I just feel a lot worse when you go after anyone else. You've been hurt worse on nightly patrols than with that madman lately.

"Now here, eat this, it will take your mind off whatever is bothering you." The butler set a plate in front of the young man, piled it high with all his favorites.

"Why do you think something is bothering me?" He had thought he was hiding it well.

"I have known you your whole life, Master Bruce, I know all that there is to know about you, and then some. So, when I see something bothering you, and you trying to hide it; I know it must be bad."

"Your right. Though I don't want to talk about it quite yet."

"Very well, sir. Now eat your dinner. The criminal classes are waiting."

You have no idea who is waiting, thought Bruce.

Finishing the impeccable meal Alfred had made him, and having thought over all his options, he headed back down to the cave.

"You can stay." He felt like the words were being ripped from him.

"I would thank you, but I didn't give you much choice." The green haired clown placed a bookmark on his page and looked to his new host.

"No you didn't. So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, anything really. But I think we should start with sleeping arrangements."

"What?"

"You have a very lovely home. I've already seen most of it, quite the library I might add." He held up the book he had almost completed.

"But I will need a bedroom soon, and an introduction to your intrepid butler. He seems nice."

"You will not touch him!" He could take his life being flipped, but he would not have Alfred in danger.

"I have no intention too. I can be pleasant company if I set my mind to it, and I will be nothing less than pleasant to the man who raised my Bats."

He had no comment on that, his mind drew a complete blank.

"Why don't we get introductions out-of-the-way first, shall we?" His arch-enemy turned to his computer and hit a button to summon his butler.

When had the madman gained access to his computer?!

"You really do need to look into better security Batsy. I had your codes cracked before your chair was even warm under me."

He had no time to come up with a retort to that as Alfred walked in.

"Yes, sir? You-" His eyes had fallen on the seated man talking with his master.

"Sir?"

"It's alright, Alfred. I'm not here to harm your ward. I'm just staying for a month of bonding, if that'll be fine by you?"

Looking between the two, the butler noted the resigned slump of his Masters' shoulders and the eager gleam in poisonous green eyes.

With an internal smile, 'This might just be what the Young Master needs,' Alfred gave a slight bow.

"I'll have a room setup shortly and appropriate clothing available soon after. If you will excuse me?"

As he turned to go he caught the startled look on his Masters' face, it paired well with the knowing smirk on the others' stark white features.

He didn't know what was going on, though he was sure to find out soon, but if those two weren't lovers before the end of the month he didn't deserve the title of Butler.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Honestly? Who would ever believe I owned this?**

As Bruce made his way downstairs the next morning he heard an unusual sound: laughter. Not just any laughter, this was Alfred's seldom heard chuckle.

Thinking the worst- that perhaps the madman he had let into his home had given his intrepid butler a shot of Joker Juice- he rushed into the kitchen and received the biggest surprise of his life. His Butler and Arch Enemy, sitting at the table, looking at pictures and laughing.

Feeling a sense of ease return at not spotting any signs of the Joker's signature venom, he stepped towards the pair.

"What are you looking at?" The pair jumped, clearly not having heard him enter the room. Alfred recovered first, standing and wiping happy tears from his eyes.

"Ah, Master Bruce, we were just looking over some... uh..."

"I took pictures!" Squealed the green-eyed man happily.

Walking over to take a look for himself, Bruce blushed. The Joker HAD taken pictures. Pictures of his most embarrassing moments.

That one there was of the time he had ended up covered in pink paint and glitter. And there, that one, it was when he had been slipping and sliding over a large grease spill. And, oh no, that one there was when he had been tied up and left in an alley- by the time he had finally gotten loose he had six cats sleeping on him!- that had been one of his worst nights.

There were also other shots, he finally noticed. Shots of him as Bruce Wayne.

That time at a party someone had slipped and spilled champagne all down his back. When he was getting out of his car and another motorist splash him in muddy water, just before an important board meeting he remembered.

Oh! And this one! That was at the fundraiser Ivy had overtaken. She had dosed everyone present with a new drug to cause instant inebriation, he still didn't know how he had managed to get home and in bed.

"Whoever you have photographing me is very good. I never noticed anyone following me, let alone taking pictures." He said looking over the small mound of candid shots.

"Thank you! I do love compliments."

"You? But you were nowhere near me most of these times! You couldn't have taken them all. How could you have?" The Joker drew himself up into a snobbish posture.

"Whatever else I may be I am still a professional, and a professional never reveals their secrets." With a quiet sniff of aristocratic disdain, the Clown Prince of Crime maintained his snobbish attitude; for all of ten seconds before succumbing to a fit of giggles.

"I've been stalking you Bats. I've simply gotten good at not being seen when I don't want to be. Now sit down! Mr. Pennyworth here went to a lot of trouble to make us breakfast, and the least we can do is eat it and show appreciation for his skills."

"Please, call me Alfred." Said the butler, setting two trays down on the table.

"If you insist, Alfred." Looking between the two and taking a seat to be served, Bruce continued looking through the stack of photos.

Not all of them were of embarrassing moments, he realized. There were some shots of him being serious or thinking, a few were of the rare moments when he gave a genuine smile, but none showed the fake smile he gave more frequently as Bruce Wayne, playboy billionaire.

Taking an absent bite of his breakfast, he found himself returning to the one of him at the fundraiser gone wrong.

"You want to know what happened that night, don't you."

Looking up and into a peaceful gaze(why had he never really noticed how large the mans eyes were?) he gave a nod.

Smirking slightly, and taking another photo from that night in hand, the oddly serene man began:

"I followed you that night- I normally do when I have nothing else going on- then Red showed up. She'd already dosed everyone, but thanks to that chemical bath I can burn through most any drug. They really hate me at Arkham for that; among other things. So by the time everyone was out of it I was once again fine. -"

"So every time I've tranquilized you, you were what? Playing possum?"

"Pretty much. It was the only time I ever got to spend with you when we weren't flailing at each other. May I continue now?" Receiving a nod he flashed a grin and began again.

"As I was saying: the cocktail Red used didn't affect me. So I waited long enough for you to go insensible enough not to remember what was happening, brought you home and put you to bed. End of story." Taking the last bite of his own breakfast(he had been eating through the entire conversation- how had he not choked?) he handed his plate over to the butler with thanks.

"That's not all of it." He couldn't put his finger on why, but he knew there was more to the story. Or else he was just so used to being suspicious of the man that he was unable to take what he said at face value, no matter the truth it might hold.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not. How did you get me past Ivy and her goons? They were sorting everyone by wealth, I would have been the big prize. And just how long have you known my identity? That party was almost five years ago!" Bruce was stunned, he had only just now remembered that detail.

"I've known who you are since... three months? Yeah, three months after our first meeting."

"That long? And you have never tried using my identity against me. Why?" Bruce honestly didn't understand the mans motives in this.

"At first I was planning to use it against you; but that was before I got to know you. I would never do so now!" And in an undertone he added, "There would be no fun in it."

Deciding he would ignore the last, and process everything else later, he attempted to steer their conversation back to topic.

"Alright. But the party. How- exactly- did you get me out of there?"

"Well... fine! But just so you know I did it for your own good!" Bruce did not like the sound of that, but he wanted to know. Taking a sip of his coffee, he motioned to the clown to continue. Letting out a huff of air he did so.

"I went up to Red, said that she had ruined my fun and that if she didn't let me leave with my intended playmate of the night that she would be sorry. She backed off and let me leave with you. I gave her a passing shot, said that I would probably be taking the heat off her as the Batman would most likely come after me and Gotham's playboy of the year."

"That doesn't sound too bad. So where is the catch? You wouldn't be acting this shifty if there wasn't one."

"Well... I may have... left her with the impression that I was going to have my way with you." The last part of that sentence was said in a rush and Bruce could only stare.

Alfred on the other hand had started laughing from his position by the sink. Noticing the glare he was receiving, the butler attempted to pull his face back into a neutral expression.

"You must admit sir, that it was rather effective in gaining your freedom." Turning back to the man in front of him, Bruce had one final question.

"And just how did you explain my lack of filing a police report?"

"I didn't have to. The lack of Batman showing to her event made Ivy believe that he came after me to rescue you. I never corrected her on that score, and she knew what her chemical cocktail would do to your memory so... that's it!"

Bruce just stared, he didn't know what to say. He had been saved- for lack of a better word- by his arch nemesis, and he had never known. What was a vigilante to say to that?

Just as the silence was starting to become uncomfortable, his watch beeped.

"Time for little Brucey to make an appearance in the real world! I'll sit this one out, if you don't mind. I do not believe your professional life would hold any interest for me."

Not wanting to leave Alfred alone with the crazed man, he went to say he wasn't going in when he was overruled.

"Now sir, everything will be fine here. Go on, Bruce Wayne needs to show his face at work."

"Don't worry, Batsy. Alfred and I will just sit back and continue to bond over a few more of Batman's' mishaps." Seeing the manic grin leveled at him, and the far more menacing stern glare directed towards him, he knew he was out voted. Standing from the table, he went to leave for work.

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

Bruce rushed through his day. He rescheduled and cancelled everything he could so he would have as much time to spend at home as possible. He really didn't like leaving Alfred home alone with that clown.

Even if they had been getting on well that morning... No! The Joker was a good actor, he could not be trusted! Pushing down that small part of his brain that kept telling him he was lying to himself, Bruce headed home.

Upon arrival everything was quiet. Heading to the kitchen, he suppressed his desire to panic. He didn't want to even think of what might have happened during the day.

"Alfred?" He called, still finding no sign of the man.

"He went to the market." Came a voice from right behind him, causing him to jump and turn towards the threat. The Joker just stood there passively.

"He said something about making a special meal for your house guest."

Taking in the still defensive posture and the newly confused expression, the clown made a guess at the cause and tried to reassure the other man.

"I used to make a lot of noise, back when we first started our dance. But I learned to be quiet, become unnoticeable.

"Which, I might add, is hard to do when you look the way I do.

"After a while I realized my mistake: if you didn't know where I was you couldn't find me. Now, had I been so inclined I could have used that to my advantage- and I have, just never against you- and put an end to our dance."

Giving a look to the still staring man, the Joker turned and headed back the way he came; deliberately making noise this time.

Realizing he was gaping- and not knowing what else to do- Bruce closed his mouth and headed after the other man.

They ended up in the library, the Joker looking for a new book and Bruce setting up his laptop so he could work from home as much as possible. Finally making a selection, the green-haired man sat down next to the unmasked vigilante's desk and began to read.

That was how Alfred found them. The Joker quietly reading and his Master clicking away at his computer.

How domestic, he thought. Now if he could only get his young Master to realize how at ease he was around the man he perceived as his greatest enemy. Their back and forth that morning proved how well they complemented each other.

After all, the old man had always known his young Master could never settle for one of those simpering airheads that clung to his arm at events and such. He needed someone with a personality as strong as his own, and the clown provided that in spades.

Perhaps the romantic dinner he had planned for that evening would shake some sense into the boy.

He had no worries about the Joker on that front. Anyone could see the complete devotion the man had for his Batsy. The hard part would be getting his Master to see past his trust issues to what was being offered.

With a quiet sigh, he left and headed to his kitchen. He would do what he could for them, he only hoped the Joker was up for the challenge he had set himself.


End file.
